Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
