Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im holly from the hills drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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