I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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