I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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