ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Olympian is in my bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
