u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
