he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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