i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
