Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
