How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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