I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
