i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
