Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
