I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
