If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
