You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
