I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
