I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
