dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
