I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
