i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm at about main and main street
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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