My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
