Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
