her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
