Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
