We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
