This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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