pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
