He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
