it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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