The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
