I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
