You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
