My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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