I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
