Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my poor anus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
why is half of my head shaved?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
