what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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