did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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