goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
