I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
