So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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