Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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