I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
