Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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