cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
