Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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