Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
