Your face is a jimmy john
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
