god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
