my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
