I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
